Measuring Up
by flowerchild33
Summary: A new book is about to create a sensation and cause the ideas of magical purity to be thought about once again. This time the author takes a whole new and very lurid angle.


**A quick little one shot that wouldn't leave my head. I couldn't figure out how to make it into anything more and I need to focus on my other stories. See if you can guess who the author is...**

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The book was released on October 1st, 2008, a Wednesday. The date was important to the author, but no one would know that since the author was listed as Anonymous. It had been ten years and five months since Voldemort had been defeated and the magical world had seen a lot of change. Much of that was brought about thanks to Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, and most especially thanks to another book. Hermione's book had been released on the one year anniversary of Voldemort's death and had been her cathartic method of healing after the war. It had been titled simply _Magical Blood: Can It Be Too Pure?._ Harry had written the introduction and having their two names attached to the book had seen it sell out quickly.

The ideas in Hermione's book were ones that the anonymous author of this new book had heard before and only caused her to pursue her own studies further. _Magical Blood's_ main premise was that too much inbreeding by the pureblood elite was causing the magical power in the lines to diminish, as well as causing intellectual capacity to dwindle. Hermione had used her research capabilities and war hero status to access records at Hogwarts and the Ministry to prove her case. It had caused a firestorm both figuratively and literally, with some people burning the book. Still, the book was translated into a dozen languages and spread to other magical communities around the world.

The author of this new book wasn't surprised. After all, she had witnessed Hermione's brilliance personally. She had heard the first whispers about the ideas of _Magical Blood_ several years before Voldemort's downfall back when they were schoolgirls at Hogwarts. The ideas had been stunning, but had led her to her own ideas. Those ideas had blossomed into her own research that had taken years to complete. That research had led to this book that was now finally complete.

Not that she expected to see the kind of success that Hermione had seen with _Magical Blood_. While her name certainly wasn't unknown within British magical society, she was nowhere near the level of notoriety that Hermione was. Anyway, she was happy with a comfortable marriage to a man who she considered a friend. A man whose family was not willing to accept his preference. She had given him two lovely children and they saw each other occasionally and were friendly, although they lived in separate wings of a manor and lived separate lives. Her husband had his love and she was allowed her dalliances. It was an arrangement that had allowed for her continued research for her book. Which was why she published through Gringotts publishing house. The goblins extracted a weighty percentage, but they were discrete.

The book was titled _Measuring Up_ and began with her first sexual encounter at the age of fifteen some thirteen years previously. She had been vacationing on the Italian coast with her family and had set her sights on a local Italian muggle boy a few years older than herself. After a week or so of flirting, he had been her first. While she hadn't taken precise measurements, she made decent estimates and noted based on later measurements that he was above average.

After her Italian fling, the author returned to Hogwarts and dated a half-blood school mate who she took for her next lover. Readers would pretend to be scandalized at the amount of sexual encounters that happened around the school, although in truth everyone knew what really went on. Perhaps the author was a bit more active than most, but each year had a student such as her.

The author proceeded through her fifth year, alternating her OWL studies with a variety of encounters, ensuring to switch up between purebloods, halfbloods, and muggleborns. After her first boyfriend, she decided to avoid any serious relationships. She also became more serious and found the spells for precise measurements of her partners' endowments. Her activities did wane as she approached her OWL tests, but she declined to say how she had scored.

Over the summer the author vacationed with her family in the States and scandalized her readers further when she admitted to becoming friendly with the young son of family friends. He was fourteen when they met and she was sixteen. On his fifteenth birthday she took his virginity and shagged him for two hours straight, quite impressed with his notable assets. They remained together for the rest of her stay through the month until her family returned to England.

Upon returning to Hogwarts for her sixth year, the author began her studies again and this time also started to explore outside the school, flirting with several young shop owners in Hogsmeade. Although she never named anyone usually, she did note that bumping into a shelf and getting bit in the bum by a loose Fanged Frisbee was ' _not something that she ever wanted to explain to Madam Pomfrey again_ '. Since those were only sold at Zonkos, the story had Senor Zonko looking at his three sons and wondering who the culprit might be.

The only person who was ever named in the book was Vincent Crabbe, who had died in the Battle of Hogwarts. The author mentioned him in one quite disdainful paragraph:

 _"While most of my liaisons have been kept anonymous, there is one which I do not need to keep as such. During my sixth year, shortly before Christmas break, I was accosted in the dungeons after leaving Potions class. The person who accosted me was not in the dungeons for class you can be assured, because he never managed to reach NEWT level in the class. But he was Slytherin, so his common room was nearby. It was Vincent Crabbe who grabbed me and pulled me into a closet. He had heard about a liaison that I had with another member of his house (wholly unsatisfying though it was) and decided that he wanted something from me. Now Crabbe was a brutish sort that also avoided bathing and being in a closet with him was much closer than I had ever been to him and I quickly began to fight back. My father was not happy with my dating habits, so he had me trained in hand to hand combat and it has served me well. Unfortunately, the tight confines of the closet made it difficult to maneuver. Although I got a couple of hits in, it only angered him and then he struck me in the face. While I was in shock, he undid his pants. When I looked down, I had to laugh. At first, I wasn't sure, but then when I looked again, I realized he was erect. If he was three inches, I would have been surprised. And with his belly it was hard to find his penis under it. What I could see were his bollocks. He seemed to think I was ogling him and was in a state of manful pride. I let him think that as I reached forward and grabbed his bollocks hard. Then I twisted and pulled. He went down without a word as I turned and fled. I returned to my dorm to apply some makeup to the bruise on my face. As for Crabbe, I don't remember seeing him in the dining hall for a day or so. I do know that what I saw in that closet was a fine example against pureblood breeding."_

The book continued with the author detailing vivid examples of her liaisons with a variety of wizards and even a few muggles. Most times she took measurements, length and width. When she did blow jobs, she would hold the semen and then measure after, always quite scientific in her pursuit of data. The book occasionally included a paraphrased comment from the men about what they thought about her project. Most thought it amusing. A few were put off by it. She continued through her seventh year of Hogwarts, although she dwindled a bit while studying for NEWTs.

The author studied abroad for three years after Hogwarts, but never specified where. During that time she continued acquiring data throughout. She even tracked the ethnicity of her paramours. In total, she spent three years at Hogwarts and five years after collecting data before she stopped and then began writing for the next five years. Of course, what the readers didn't know is that she also married and had two children during that time.

Although there was a good amount of data, the book itself wasn't large. The impact though would be something else. In total the author had full sexual intercourse over the eight year period with 82 individuals and oral sex with another 17 individuals. Of the 82, 30 were pureblood, 27 halfblood or three quarter blood, 16 muggleborn, and 9 muggles. On average the purebloods were 32% less in length than the muggleborns and 20% less than the halfbloods. Girth difference was negligible with halfbloods but was about 11% difference than muggleborns. The real difference came on volume, with a near 60% on volume when she performed oral sex. As the author noted:

 _"I soon learned that I have no problem when I blow a pureblood, but give me a muggleborn and I probably will have to swallow or start dribbling, they just give me too much."_

The author decided to back that statement up by reposting similar research to something that Hermione had posted in _Magical Blood_ years earlier. It only took a few hours looking in the public records in the Ministry archives to find the records that showed the pureblood families had showed a steady decline in offspring in the past three hundred years. The muggles had ways to show this in sperm count in semen and the author may not have anything that fancy, but she could certainly put the pieces together, which is what she did in her book. The details were lurid. This was stuff that wasn't talked about in polite society.

When _Measuring Up_ was released in magical bookstores, the Gringotts publishing label caused a buzz. Gringotts didn't publish wizard books often. The Greek phallic imagery on the front was tantalizing and a few people bought the book out of curiosity. Once they read it, word spread. Then the Prophet heard about the scandalous book. And by an anonymous author. Then Witch Weekly heard. Soon everyone had to know and a new printing was ordered. The buzz had started.


End file.
